Drug Money
by PieceOfShit96
Summary: Cutter/Otis! Otis gets abducted for payment for one of Cutter's drug debts.
1. Chapter 1

Otis spat blood onto the floor, glaring up at his abuser.

"The fuck do you want from me, asshole?"

"Don't FUCKING speak until you're spoken to!" The man kicked Otis squarely in the gut. "Your little BOYFRIEND owes us money."

"Why the fuck do you have me then?!"

"Because your suffering is payment!" He kicked Otis in the jaw.

Otis lost count of how many times they hit him, but he knew his head swooned by the end of it.

By the time he registered the sound of the clippers, it was too late. Through bloodied vision, he watched his hair fall to the ground, and fury rose in him. They were mocking him.

He felt cold steel against his neck and froze.

"If you fucking move. I will cut you. and I will kill you."

Otis sat, helpless and terrified as he was shaved with a straight razor, no shaving cream, no water. He felt himself bleeding from razor burn.

"Wonder if Cutter will like you so much now, huh?" He laughed cruelly. Pretty boy's not so pretty anymore."

With a quick slice, he cut Otis's shirt off, then sliced the waist of his jeans.

"Don't you fuckin' dare..." He warned, hoarse and shaking from the shock of the beating.

"What're you gonna do, huh!? What the FUCK are you gonna do!?" He slowly sliced Otis's hip, not cutting deep, but enough to make Otis growl in pain. He finished stripping Otis naked while he was distracted by the pain of his wound.

"Fuck you..."

"That's exactly what I'm gonna do." He smirked evilly. "But not before you get a fucking shower, you disgusting fucking animal."

He was gone for a few moments, and Otis could relax. But it wasn't long before a freezing spray of pressurized water jolted him, powerful enough to pin him against the wall and make him sputter for air.

When it finally stopped, he shivered, curling in on himself.

"Ohhhh, are you cold?" He taunted. "Didn't you like that mean old power washer?"

Otis glared.

"You only have Cutter to thank for this. If he had just paid his debts, you wouldn't have to go through this." He shook his head. "Y'know, though, I wonder if he even cares where you are. Even wonders? He never seemed like the monogamous type to me. How long have you two been together? Months? Years? It doesn't matter. Because you're still not worth anything to him, no matter how long its been. Hell, you're not worth anything to anyone. You never will be. You fucking ass. Piece of shit!" He kicked Otis. "I bet your fucking parents didn't even want you. I bet they wish they had fucking aborted you. You're nothing. A lowlife, dirty faggot piece of shit. Look at you. You were straight before you met Cutter, but no one would give you the time of fucking day. So you resorted to him. Just to get some kind of fucking attention, because no one else gave a shit about you. And no one else ever will. Cutter doesn't even give a shit about you. You're just a dick warmer to him. Nothing more. You just keep it nice and warm, maybe suck him off a little?" He feigned gagging. "Good lord. I'd have to put a fucking bag over your head. I don't understand how anyone could love you." He smirked. "Did your daddy fuck you? Is that why you like Cutter, huh? Reminds you of the golden days as a little boy, where your daddy would get you off? Ohhh, how sweet that first jizz was to you, I bet. You sick fucker. I bet you loved it. How old were you when he first started? I bet you moaned and begged for more, you stupid fucking whore. I bet every time your daddy even walked by you you had your ass in the air. 'Fuck me daddy, oh, please!' 'Not now, son, daddy has to go to work. Make money for you and mommy, so I can afford to buy condoms so we don't have a fucking mistake like you again'."

Otis lay, tears rolling down his face. Stuck with this asshole, on the cold, hard, now wet floor. Hair shorn and beard shaved, his identity taken from him, now he was being mocked. And there was nothing he could do about it. He was chained, his tormentor just out of reach, and he was really hitting some deep nerves. Those were, in fact, things his parents had told him: That he wasn't wanted, that they should have aborted him. That he was a waste. But one thing was false: He had never wanted his fathers abuse.

"You give up that easily? Wow. You are a fucking waste."

He certainly wasn't done fighting yet, but god, was he tired of fighting. He had fought his whole life. And he finally felt like he didn't have to anymore when he was with the Firefly family. Especially with Cutter. He knew Cutter loved him. Knew the clown cared about him. But somehow, the words still cut deep.

The worst part was, Otis knew exactly what his captor was trying to do: whittle him down to nothing, break down his conscious and his self esteem so that he was just a shell. The problem? He was really good at it, and even despite his best judgement, Otis felt himself falling for the trap.


	2. Chapter 2

He sat, quivering in the corner of the cold, dark room. Chained to the dank floor, naked, he tried to curl in on himself to stay warm.

He heard a door slam behind him and yelped in fear.

Someone whistled, as if they were calling a dog. "Come on, come out and play."

Otis began to shake, jingling the chains around his wrists, shrinking back in fear as the footsteps got closer and closer until they stopped.

With no warning, a bullwhip snapped against the skin of his back. He dug his fingers into his scalp, shrieking in utter agony.

"I take such great joy in making you make those sounds." Again and again the cruel leather sliced Otis's skin until he thought he would go mad with pain, or his voice would give out from screaming.

He pulled Otis away from the wall, forcing him onto his knees, bending him over.

"No, no not again. Not again not again...No...no...Please, please -AH!"

"YOU don't get to fucking beg. You little bitch! I am your master now! I fucking OWN you until I say so! You're MINE! You aren't worth shit. Your life is nothing. Besides, shouldn't you be used to this? Don't you and that fat fucking clown have sex? You sick fucking freaks..."

Yes...But this wasn't how they did it.

When Otis was released, he crawled back to his corner again, shaking.

"You're fucking weak."

"L...let me go..." He sobbed. "Please...Please...Let me go..."

"What? Now why would I do that?"

"I...I d...didn't d...do anything to you..."

"No. You didn't. But Cutter didn't PAY me. Now, YOU'LL pay for him.

"Please...I...I'll tell him, just...Just fucking let me go...Please..."

"I'm having too much fun." He smirked cruelly. "Are you hungry?"

Otis looked over his shoulder at him, questioning.

"I'll feed you. Come on. Don't be scared."

Otis's stomach growled, betraying him.

"Come here." He extended his hand.

Otis hesitated.

"I SAID COME HERE!" He growled, grabbing Otis by what was left of his hair and jerking him around to face him.

"Nnn!" Otis shook, cowering in submission.

"Shhhh..." He stroked his hair. "You're hungry. I'll feed you."

Otis looked up cautiously.

"But you're going to give me something first." He unzipped his pants and pulled down his underwear.

Otis swallowed heavily

"Oh, you'll be doing that in a second.

Otis fought all he could, but a quick twist of his hair made him freeze. "NO!"

"Don't you do this for Cutter?"

Otis glared, struggling again. The other man wrenched his hair at the roots.

"You do. Just pretend its him." He smirked cruelly. "Come on. Open wide."

Otis glared. "Fuck you."

He squeezed Otis's nose shut and when he opened his mouth to breath, shoved himself past Otis's teeth, making him gag. In one last act of defiance, Otis bit down. Hard.

The other man screamed, punching Otis in the face, beating him about the head to get him to let go. He did, skittering away from the man as he growled in anger and pain.

"You miserable mother fucker. I oughta take your fucking teeth out and hand them to you!"

Otis was brutally beaten that night, to the point that he couldn't move, couldn't see because of the blood in his eyes.

The next day, he tried again. This time, Otis heard the click of a gun hammer being pulled, and felt the cool metal against the side of his head.

"This time. No teeth." He fisted Otis's hair. "Do it well. Or I might blow your head off, anyway."

Shaking, Otis stared up at the man. He was so battered from the previous night's beating, he could still hardly move.

He raised his hand to strike Otis, who flinched back wildly, staring back fearfully.

"That's what I thought. Come here."

Otis shook his head.

"I SAID COME HERE. THIS GUN IS STILL COCKED, FAGGOT!"

Otis slowly approached, getting down on his knees and accepting the punishment being brought upon him. Closing his eyes, he desperately tried to imagine Cutter, still feeling the cold metal of the gun against his head until he had swallowed.

"Oooh. You're really good at that, aren't you?" He smirked down at Otis, who had curled into a ball. "I bet that fat fucking clown likes that shit."

He sobbed, trying to block the wave of shame that crashed over him. He was in so much pain, he almost didn't register the tray of food being shoved against his elbow.

"I keep my promises. Even though you disobeyed the last time, I keep my promises."

It wasn't much, but Otis carefully picked at the food, willing himself to keep it in his stomach.

"Mmm...Those lips are so fuckable...Give me another round."

Otis flinched away just in time to avoid the hand roughly grabbing for him.

"Come here you little fuckin' shit!" He pinned Otis in the corner of the room. "You will fucking listen to me. If you do, your life will be much, much easier. Do you understand?"

Otis nodded.

"Now. Do it. Again."

"P...Please..."

"NOW!"

Otis performed as he was asked, but as soon as he was done, he felt himself being pinned to the ground on his stomach.

"G...God...Please...please fucking stop...I'm begging you..."

"Shut up. It's my dick or the gun. Your pick."

Otis shook, closing his eyes tightly.

"Well? Which will it be? HUH!?"

"Y...You..."

"That's what I thought."

Again, Otis was assaulted.

"How are you this tight with you and Cutter having sex? Oh my god...God, you feel good...Mmm...You little fucking whore..."

When he was done tormenting Otis, he stood, zipping his pants up.

"Eat. Stay healthy. You'll be here a while."

Otis could only lay and sob, hopeless.

Two and a half months. Two and a half fucking months went by of torture every day, all day for Otis. He was rarely fed, he was constantly freezing cold, and he was being brutally abused. He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

Until his torturer bound and gagged him, threw him in the trunk and drove him to the middle of the desert and tossed him into the sand where Baby was scheduled to pick him up 20 minutes later.

When she removed his gag and blindfold, he started shaking, expecting the worst.

"Shhhhh...It's me. It's me. Jesus...God, Otis..."

"Home..."

"Okay, Okay. I'll take you to daddy's. You wanna see Cutter?"

Otis whimpered, nodding. "Home..."

"Shhh...Come on..." She carefully loaded him into the car and sped along the road, only slowing when she narrowly avoided crashing into her father's home.

"Baby?! Jesus Christ what're you-...Oh my god...That's not."

"Yeah, it is. Help me carry him in! He's too weak."

Finally relieved to see a familiar face, Otis felt the weight of the abuse come crashing down on him as he succumbed to shock.


	3. Chapter 3

Cutter almost didn't recognize the frail shell in front of him. As Baby worked to stop the bleeding of his wounds, he could only stare blankly.

"Hey, Otis...Otis...look at me..." Baby snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Daddy, can you support his head?"

"Y...Yeah..." Cutter gently put his hand at the base of Otis's skull, still utterly dumbfounded.

Otis's hair that had previously come to the middle of his back was shorn, uneven and disarrayed, only a few inches long at most. He was clean-shaven, a sight Cutter couldn't remember if he had ever seen. He had lost a good 30 pounds, and looked pale and sickly.

"It's okay. You're home now. You're okay..." Baby tried to soothe. "Daddy...Don't just stare at him, talk to him...let him know you're here...You're his...whatever...partner...Be there for him."

Cutter nodded, rubbing small circles in the back of Otis's head with his thumb. "Hey, little angel...You're okay. You're at my house...You're back in our bed...Shhhh..."

Otis squinted, trying to pull his arm away from Baby as she pressed a cloth to his bleeding wound.

"Hey, you gotta stay still. She's just tryin' to take care of you."

Otis stared through Cutter, those blue pools not focusing entirely.

"We should get Grampa over here..."

"Can you take care of 'em?"

"Yeah..."

"Then we don't need him."

Baby sighed. "Roll him over. He's bleeding through his shirt."

Rolling Otis over, he whimpered in protest, feebly grabbing onto the belt of his pants.

"Shhh..." Baby pulled his shirt over his head and began to clean the multiple bleeding lash marks.

"B...Bullwhip..." Cutter whispered.

"Yeah...They're bad..."

"They sting like hell..."

"Well...They're gonna get worse." Baby began to clean and dress the wounds, and Otis began to moan in pain.

"Shhhhhh...It's okay. It's okay. I know it hurts. I know..." Cutter tried to comfort him, but tears spilled down the tanned cheeks and onto the bed.

"S...stop..." Otis managed.

"It's almost over. I'm sorry, Otis, but we have to do this. It's almost over."

"W...Why...A...are you hurting me...J...John...?"

"It's not me, it's Baby...And we're cleaning you up so you don't get an infection. We'll leave you alone in a few minutes, here, to rest."

"N...NO...D...Don't...leave..."

"I won't leave your side. I promise."

Otis howled in pain as Baby finished up, putting clean bandages on him and covering him up.

"There..." She looked hesitantly at Cutter. "Daddy...Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah. Give me one minute, Otis. I'll be right back. I'm not leaving."

Otis nodded sleepily. Cutter and Baby stood outside the door.

"What the fuck happened to him?! Where has he been?"

"Daddy, I don't know. I...I just...I found him like this..."

"He's been gone for almost two months...I thought he had just gone to la la land like he does sometimes...Jesus...I didn't expect this..."

"No one did..."

"Listen...I need to stay with him. Think you can get someone to tend the shop?"

"Yeah...I've got it, Daddy. You go be with him."

Cutter nodded, walking back into the room and sitting down on the bed beside Otis.

He cringed at the sudden movement, but opened his eyes. "John...?"

"Yeah, it's me." He moved to stroke Otis's face, but he flinched, crying out in fear. "Shhhh...We're not back to that again, are we?"

Otis whimpered, beginning to shake.

"Shhh. No, no. Don't waste your energy on that. You're okay. Come on. Want me to hold you?"

Otis nodded, and Cutter pulled him into a comfortable position.

"Shhh...I know, movement hurts. Just settle down. It's okay." He kissed Otis's head, holding him close. "What happened to you, little angel?..."

"Nnn..." Otis shook his head.

"Okay. Maybe some other time. You just take a nice rest, okay? I'm right here."

Otis dozed long into the afternoon with Cutter, curled up to the older man.

Cutter's mind whirled. How had Otis gotten hurt so badly? He was obviously beaten, quite brutally. They had tried to take his identity from him, cutting his hair and shaving his beard. If it hadn't been for the tattoo on his chest, Cutter would have seriously doubted whether the man before him was Otis. What else had happened to him? Why had he grabbed his pants as soon as he and Baby had flipped him over?

Cutter noticed Otis stirring, and pulled the blanket they were huddled under higher on his shoulders.

"Hey...You a little more to yourself?"

Otis nodded.

"You looked like death when you came in here, boy."

"S...Sorry..." Otis croaked.

"What? No...That's not..." Cutter sighed. "What the fuck happened to you...?"

Otis shook his head, curling closer to Cutter.

"Come on...We were all worried to death about you. I know someone hurt you...it's obvious...You're not in the best shape."

"N...No..."

Cutter sighed. "Okay...Okay..." He reached to stroke what was left of Otis's hair, and he flinched, closing his eyes and burrowing into Cutter's chest. "Shhhh..." He pressed his lips to Otis's head. "Dammit, Otis..."

"W...What?" Otis began to shake, pulling away from Cutter to look at him, blue eyes filled with fear. "W...What did I do...?"

Cutter stared back, stunned. What had happened to shock Otis into this state? To strip away the strong defiance that had coursed through his veins and convert him into the scared child Cutter knew was always struggling beneath the hard outer shell. "Calm down...Calm down. You didn't do anything, I just wish I knew what happened to you..." He sighed, standing.

"N...NO! Don't leave!"

"Relax. Relax...I'm hungry. I'm going to make something to eat. And I'm going to make you something too. Just rest a little bit, okay?"

Settling himself, Otis pulled the covers around him and succumbed to slumber.

Cutter prepared his lunch, ate, and then prepared something he knew would be easy on Otis's stomach. He looked like he hadn't eaten in a few days, and if he had, it hadn't been much.

Chicken soup over rice seemed like a viable option.

"Little angel...Come on...wake up..."

Otis opened his eyes, slowly sitting up with a grimace.

"Ohhh...I know, it hurts..."

"I...It ain't nothin'..."

Cutter smiled softly. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat..."

Otis stared hesitantly back at him.

"What...?"

He shook his head.

"Come on. You've gotta eat something. Instead of little angel, I'm going to be calling you little skeleton soon."

"I...I'm...n...not hungry..."

"I know that's bullshit. You don't have to eat all of it, but you're going to eat something."

The fear that flashed across Otis's eyes broke Cutter's heart. He was too reminiscent of when he had first come to the Firefly family, a petrified, broken skeleton of a man.

"And you are NOT going to throw it back up, either."

"O...Okay..." Otis took the bowl in his hands, eating slowly.

"There you go..." Cutter stayed by Otis's side as he ate until he turned mildly green. "Okay, okay. You're good. That's enough." He took the bowl, setting it on the floor beside them. "That's more than I thought you would eat..."

"I...I'm sorry! I-"

"Stop it. You must have been starving."

Otis looked away, nodding.

"I love you. Do you remember that?"

Otis simply stared at him, mildly bewildered.

Cutter chuckled. "Did you forget?"

Staring at his hands, Otis shook his head. That knowledge had been the only thing to keep him alive in those days.

"What's that face about, then?"

"Thought...You might change your mind."

Cutter snorted, pulling Otis close to him in an embrace, despite how hard the smaller man flinched away and cowered. "I didn't. What would make me change my mind, huh? I missed you so much...Life isn't the same without you."

He felt Otis fist his shirt sleeve, and tears begin to stain the front as he sobbed silently, his shoulders shaking.

"It's okay. It's okay. You're safe now."

Otis choked, sobbing openly.


	4. Chapter 4

Otis slumbered well into the afternoon the next day, and Cutter stayed with him, only waking him up to eat. He knew his body was healing from whatever hell he had gone through, and he needed all the rest he could get.

"Hey, little angel? You feel like taking a shower?"

Otis's mind immediately strayed to the showers of the past two and a half months. Being sprayed with freezing cold pressurized water. But he knew that's not what Cutter intended, so he slowly rose from the bed, stumbling slightly, and wandered to the bathroom.

"I'm going to help you. You're not too stable on your feet yet. Okay?"

Otis looked hesitantly over his shoulder.

"It's okay. It's just me."

Otis turned on the hot water and stepped into the spray, hearing Cutter follow him.

"You look so different, Otis..."

Otis hung his head, turning his back to Cutter, washing himself.

"No, no. I didn't mean that as a bad thing. I just meant you look totally different." He pulled Otis against him, kissing his cheek. "I almost don't want you to grow that beard back. Been hiding this handsome face from me all along."

"I...I won't...If...If you don't want me to..."

"No, little angel. Stop. You do what you want to do. Except for your hair...You should grow that out again..."

"I want to..."

"Okay, that's good...Here, you know what? Lemme wash your hair for you."

"H...Huh?"

Pouring a liberal amount of shampoo on his hands, he began to massage Otis's scalp.

Otis couldn't stop himself from tipping his head back and leaning in to Cutter's touch.

"There ya go. Just relax."

"Mmmmm..."

Cutter pushed Otis's head down to his chest to rinse the soap, moving down to massage Otis's neck and shoulders. "I love you little angel..."

Otis whimpered in pleasure.

"I would give you a nice, long full rubdown, but those whip lashes aren't gonna feel too good if I do. I promise once they're healed I will, okay?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"Why don't you finish up and I'll keep rubbin' your neck in bed, okay?"

Otis nodded, finishing cleaning himself. "C...Cutter?"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm getting really tired..."

"Okay. Okay." He helped Otis out of the shower and sat him down on a close-lidded toilet. "You just sit there for a minute okay?"

Otis nodded. Cutter gently dried his face and arms, patting his back dry and re-dressing the wounds. He fluffed his hair relatively dry with a towel, and Otis stopped him.

"I can do the rest..."

"okay. Let me get you some clothes." He helped Otis get dressed enough that he would be comfortable- underwear and loose-fitting flannel pajama pants. Though, everything would be loose fitting now, since Otis had lost so much weight.

"Cutter...I can't get up..." Otis whimpered. "I'm sorry..."

"Shhhh. Don't be sorry. You stop that." Cutter scooped Otis up in his arms, carried him to the bedroom and carefully lay him on the bed. "You want me to finish rubbin' your neck or do you just want to go to sleep."

"Jus' wanna go to sleep..."

"Want me to hold you?"

Otis nodded, and Cutter climbed into the bed with him again, letting him curl up and get comfortable.

Hours later, Cutter stirred from a slumber himself, realizing it was around the time he usually ate dinner, and woke Otis.

"Hey...It's about time to eat. What do you think?"

"Mmm..."

Cutter absentmindedly ran a hand through Otis's hair.

Otis sat up, sighing. "Guess...You should eat."

"Uh. You mean WE should eat."

"Yeah...I guess."

"How about I treat you a little first, huh?"

"O...Okay...?"

Otis fought the urge to flinch when Cutter took his chin in between his thumb and forefinger, then moving his hand to cup his cheek.

"Shhhhhh..." He kissed Otis gently.

Otis closed his eyes, relaxing into the tender kiss.

"There...You're alright." He pulled Otis closer, placing a hand in the small of his back. Goosebumps rose on Otis's skin at the warm sensation. Otis smiled softly against Cutter's lips. That little piece of normalcy was enough to make him smile again. "Mmmm...I just want to touch you..." He rested his hand on Otis's side for a moment, waiting for Otis's approval. Otis nodded slightly, staring into Cutter's eyes.

Cutter let his hands ghost over Otis's body gently. Otis shuddered in pleasure, resting his hand on the back of Cutter's neck.

"You just need lovin'. Bein' loved on'll make you feel better." Cutter took Otis's legs in one arm and slowly lowered him back onto the bed with the other arm, not breaking their kiss.

"C...Cutter..." Otis pulled away, fear etched into his features.

"Shhh...When you're done, just tell me." He kissed Otis's forehead, then his cheek, then moved to his neck. He felt Otis melt underneath him, and he let his hands wander on the younger man's torso once more.

"Th...That feels...So good..."

"Did you forget what it feels like to be loved on?"

Otis nodded.

Cutter's heart shattered. His little angel had had his feather's plucked, and he had no idea what happened to him yet. Even battered and broken, he was a stubborn bitch.

Otis squirmed beneath him, writhing in pleasure. "F...Fuck..."

"Jesus, kid. That's all it's gonna take this time?"

Otis's face flushed. "W...Why did you stop...?"

Cutter chuckled, claiming his lips once more as his hands caressed every inch of skin he could reach.

Otis moaned softly, fisting the sheets below him.

Cutter flipped Otis's legs up onto his shoulders, still kissing him. Otis began to shake, becoming tense.

"Shhhh...Okay. Okay. Not yet. I gotcha. It's okay. Relax." He lowered Otis back to the bed, moving so that he was holding him, Otis sitting somewhat in his lap, and began to rub his shoulders and neck.

"N...No...D...Don't touch me...Stop..."

"What?"

"I said don't touch me!"

"Otis, I'm sorry..."

"I just...I just need a minute..."

"Wait, you're kicking me out of MY bedroom in MY house?!"

"N...No, I didn't say that...I..."

"After all I did to take care of you?! You're fucking kidding!"

"Cutter, no...I...I didn't mean..."

"Otis, so help me god you will tell me where you have been for the past 2 months or so help me god..."

Otis began to shake, curling into a ball. "J...John..."

"I was fine with you not wanting sex, but you kicking me out of my own room-"

"I wasn't kicking you out! I just...I just needed a minute...I...I...I didn't want to be touched for just a few minutes...I..."

"Oh, but it's okay if you WANT to constantly be held and coddled and loved on? What if I wanted to do something else today? Ever think of that?"

Tears spilled down Otis's face and he turned away.

"Fucking answer me!"

"Whoa, whoa. What the fuck is going on?!" Baby stood between them.

"Otis is being a fuck." Cutter answered.

"What?"

"He's tryin' to kick me out of my own fuckin' bedroom."

Otis sobbed openly. "Th...That's not what I said..."

"Daddy, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Baby snapped. "You worried and pined and worried and were SICK over him for almost 3 months now! And you're going to stand here and yell at him in the first two days he's back?! He's...I don't know what happened to him, but he's obviously going through some shit right now. You have to be patient with him."

"I snuggled him and cuddled him and held him all day, and I try and make and advance and he says stop, so I do, and he tells me not to touch him."

"Daddy, you spooked him...It probably brought something back that happened to him and he just needed a minute to collect himself."

"Mmm..." Rethinking the situation, he felt horrible. He had reacted out of frustration. He just wanted Otis to be normal again. Just wanted things the way they were. But it was going to take time. He knew that.

Looking at Otis, quivering on the bed, tear stained eyes the only thing peeking out of a mound of blankets.

"Otis...I'm sorry. I'm sorry...I...I over reacted..."

"No shit..."

Cutter sighed. "Can I hold you again?"

"No. You don't fucking want to."

"Yes I do. I missed my little angel. Come here..."

"Jesus. You guys are good together, but this is going to be hard for the both of you..." Baby chimed in.

Yeah, it was going to be hell.


	5. Chapter 5

"Daddy, just let him alone for a minute. I brought some food for us, you go down and eat and I'll tend to him."

"Alright...Alright."

Baby sat in front of Otis, stroking his hair. "Otis...I have never, ever seen you tear up, let alone cry...It scares me...It really scares me to think of what might have happened to you to make you..."

"I'm fine..." Otis hesitated, knowing Baby would call him on his shit. "I will be..."

"I know. You're strong. But you've gotta let yourself heal, too..." She pulled back his blanket. "How're you doin'? Did someone change your bandages?"

Otis nodded. "Took a shower...Cutter changed 'em."

"Okay...Think you'll eat somethin'? Or are you too upset by what just happened?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay. I'll believe that one."

Otis sighed. "Yeah, I'll eat...I'm okay..."

Baby went to the kitchen where she had deposited the takeout, finding her father munching on the meal she had gotten him.

"So, you wanna tell me why you thought it was okay to blow the fuck up at him like that?"

"I know. I know it was stupid...I just...I took it out of context, too. I knew that's not what he meant...I just...I just wanted to touch him. And when he said not to, I got pissed off. Way pissed. But...It only makes sense if he was scared he might need a minute. I just...I don't know. I was so stressed out and worried about him that I'm taking it out on him now that he's back."

"Well fuckin' stop it. Of all people, he needs you right now to help him get back on track. Can you imagine if you turned away from him right now? Dad...Stop being so fucking selfish."

Cutter glared, but nodded after a moment. He knew his daughter was right. He finished his dinner and took Otis's out of Baby's hands. "Let's go together. I want to see if I can get him to eat."

"Okay."

He wandered up the stairs, finding Otis still curled up in his blanket like a cocoon.

"Hey. You hungry?"

Otis sat up slowly, then shrugged. "I g...guess..."

"Are you mad at me?" He sat down beside Otis on his bed, facing him. He reached out to stroke his face, and he flinched back, but eventually allowed the contact. Otis shook his head. "I'm sorry. You forgive me?" Otis nodded. "Okay. Here, eat some of this...You don't have to eat all of it. Don't make yourself sick, okay?"

Otis nodded again, beginning to slowly eat.

"What have you guys been up to all day?"

"I got to spend all day snuggled up to him." Cutter offered a small smile.

Otis stopped for a moment, glaring suspiciously at him. "Changin' your tune from a fuckin' minute ago."

"Otis...I flipped. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I really, really didn't mean that. I was so worried about you, all I wanted was to have you back again. I'm sorry I said what I did."

Otis continued to eat.

"I helped him get a shower."

"How was that, Otis?"

Otis nodded, mouth full.

"He got pretty tired toward the end. had to carry him back to bed he got so weak so fast." Cutter took the bowl from Otis's hands. "Okay, now you're forcing yourself to eat it. You're turning green again. Stop."

Otis fought the urge to attack Cutter. Food had been scarce for the past two and a half months, and he had never known when his next meal was coming, so he tried to force down as much food as possible when he had the opportunity. He had tried saving it initially, but the rats had made off with most of it, so he tried to stuff himself. He knew he wouldn't have to forage or hunger as long as he was safe, but it was hard to break a habit.

"That's the opposite of the way you used to be..." Baby observed.

"Maybe it won't be such a struggle to get you to eat this time, huh?" Cutter stroked Otis's hair.

"Otis, how you doin' on pain?" Baby asked.

"...I...I really hurt...Pain's bad today..."

"Where, little angel? You didn't tell me."

"Too busy fuckin' yellin' at me." Otis shot back.

Cutter sighed. "Okay. I deserved that one."

Baby had acquired some pain medication through less than legal means at a hospital, and she administered some to Otis, the best she knew how.

He quickly settled, curling up to Cutter and falling asleep.

"Must feel a little better..." Baby sighed.

"Mmm..." He nuzzled the remains of Otis's hair.

That night, Cutter lay curled around Otis, sound asleep in the dead of night.

Until Otis began kicking and screaming with all his might, trying desperately to get away.

"NO! NO! STOP! DON'T FUCKIN' TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP! DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT...DON'T BEAT ME ANYMORE, PLEASE GOD PLEASE...JUST LET ME GO.."

"Otis...Otis...Wake up..." He shook him lightly

"NO! NO...FUCK PLEASE..."

"OTIS!" Cutter grabbed him by the upper arms , sat him upright and shook him. He opened his eyes, letting tears run freely from them.

"Shhh...You're okay. It's okay. You're safe."

Otis sobbed, clinging to Cutter for some sense of reality and stability.

"You need to tell us what happened...Please..."

"NO..."

Cutter sighed. Here we go again.

"Why don't you want to tell us? Huh?" He stroked Otis's hair, kissing his cheek lightly. "It's okay..."

"J...Just...want...t...to forget..."

"You know you're not going to. Did you ever forget about what happened to you as a kid?"

"Make me forget..."

Cutter sighed, holding him close. He wasn't sure what else to do. There was nothing else he COULD do. He lay back down with Otis, drawing the blanket up over the two of them and nuzzling him. "Go back to sleep, little angel. I'll protect you."

"Don't need protectin'..." He muttered, burying his face in Cutter's neck.

Cutter chuckled. "But that doesn't mean I can't, does it?"

"No..."

"Okay, then." He held Otis until he had settled down, kissing his cheek and head alternately. "I love you..."

He didn't expect Otis to vocalize it back. He never did. But the trust he placed in Cutter was more than words could express, anyway.

"I love you too..." Otis sleepily mumbled into Cutter's shoulder.

The next morning, Cutter gently untangled himself from Otis, who whimpered in protest and curled tighter in his blankets. He fixed them both coffee and toast, coming up to find only Otis's eyes sticking out from the mound of covers, blue ice staring him down.

"Why did you leave." He demanded.

"Make us breakfast."

"I'm cold."

"What else is new? You're always cold."

"Mm..."

"You told me you love me last night."

"...I think it. Just don't say it."

"I know." Cutter handed him a mug of coffee after he helped him sit up. "But you're going to tell me what happened."

"The fuck I am."

"Otis, for christ sakes..."

"No, John."

Most of the time, Otis's eyes glittered with mischief or happiness. Most of the time, Cutter found them beautiful, often lost himself in those blue pools. But when Otis glared, they were absolutely piercing, and could see right through to your soul. This was one of those times.

He sighed, knowing he was beat.


	6. Chapter 6

Cutter lay behind Otis that night, kneading his neck and shoulders.

"Oh, god...Right there..." Otis moaned. "Yes...Oh my god..."

"Little angel, be careful makin' them sounds..."

Otis whimpered in pleasure.

That night, Otis's nightmares peaked.

It started with light whimpering, which woke Cutter.

"Shhhhh...Shhhh, Otis...You're okay..." He stroked his hair.

He seemed to settle for a moment, but then it changed to soft begging.

"N...No...Please..." He squirmed slightly. "It's...not my fault...Why are you hurting me..." He began to shake. "No...Not anymore...please..."

"Otis, wake up...It's just a dream."

"No...No! Get...Get away from me!"

Cutter tried to shake Otis awake, but he withdrew and shook worse.

"P...Please don't hurt me anymore...Please..."

Cutter shook him harder, which only made Otis recoil more.

"Little angel...Come on..." He sat up, holding Otis close to him.

"NO! NO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Otis fought wildly, elbowing Cutter in the stomach and narrowly avoiding his face. Cutter had never seen him flail like this, and had desperate trouble keeping him from tumbling on the floor.

Otis nailed him in the balls, and Cutter gave up, letting him fall to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"Oof...Goddammit..."

Otis came to, picking himself up off of the carpet. "What happened?"

"YOU. ARE FUCKING TELLING ME WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT NOW!" Cutter screamed, breathless.

Otis shrank away.

"Ohhh, no mother fucker." He grabbed Otis by the arm and threw him onto the bed. Otis yelped in fear, clamoring away. "Tell me what happened to you while you were away. NOW!"

"N...No..." He shook, terrified of Cutter's wrath. "W...Why...Why are you so mad...?"

"Because it's a good goddamn thing I already have a daughter, because you just bashed my fucking balls in!"

Otis shook, blue eyes brimming with tears, absolutely petrified.

"TELL ME NOW!"

"I...I...I c...Can't."

"YOU FUCKING WILL, OTIS!" He shook his finger in Otis's face. "YOU FUCKING WILL RIGHT NOW!"

Otis sobbed. "I did it for you!"

"What the FUCK are you talking about?!"

"Y...Y...You owed them drug money...I...I was collateral..."

"Y...You were...You were what?"

"They tortured me...They tortured me because you owed them money...My suffering was payment..."

"Th...That whole time?"

"They..." Otis sobbed openly, still trembling. "They beat me...a...and...and they fucked me...they...everything hurt...I was so cold...They...They hit me and whipped me and...And they showered me with a pressure washer...a...and they fucking mocked me..." He sniffed. "B...But I did it for you...I did it so you wouldn't have to pay, because I know you can't..."

Cutter stood, bewildered.

"A...And they...they forced me to...To give them blow jobs...a...and they...They were always so dirty...so disgusting..." He ran a hand through his hair. "A...And they...they were so rough and cold when...when..." He sobbed. "They raped me...They fucking raped me over and over and over and it hurt so much...I...I bled...and I bled...And I begged them to stop...b...but they wouldn't...They wouldn't fucking stop...A...And I...I didn't get fed...Un...Unless I listened to them...A...And I tried to fight...B...But...They chained me down...And they beat me..." Otis broke down into sobs, bringing his knees to his chest and curling in on himself.

"Shhhh...Shhh..." Cutter stroked his back gently, and Otis cried out in fear, withdrawing. "You're okay...It's just me...I ain't gonna hurt you."

"N...Nn...Y...You were s...So mad...a s...second ago..."

"I know...I know...but...You hurt me...and I got mad...But...I'm so, so sorry..." He stroked Otis's hair. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"B...Because I...I d...Didn't want you to g...get mad...Because I cheated on you..."

"Otis, Jesus Christ. How many times do I have to tell you that being raped is not cheating on me? It's not. Because you didn't want it." He pulled Otis's head close to his, kissing his temple. "Shhhh...You're okay...Calm down...Calm down. It's all okay."

"Y...You're not mad?"

"No...Not at you, no. At them? Yes. At myself? Yes."

"I...I didn't want you to f...feel bad, either..."

"I know, little angel...You're okay."

Otis shook for at least another hour until he had exhausted himself, finally settling back into sleep.

Baby came again the next morning. "Hey. How's it going?"

"Alright..." Cutter sighed, rubbing his face.

"What's wrong, daddy?"

"Uh...Otis told me what happened last night..."

"What? You got him to tell you?"

Cutter nodded. "He was kidnapped by someone I owed drug debts to, and beaten and raped for payment. They used his suffering as payment."

"Oh my god..."

"I feel horrible..."

"Daddy..."

"Don't try and comfort me and tell me it's not my fault. Because it is."

Baby fell silent. She couldn't argue with him.

Cutter wandered back upstairs and to their room, Baby following.

"Hey, little angel." He stroked Otis's face, sitting beside him. "You hungry?"

Otis nodded.

"Okay." Cutter helped him sit up, then sat the plate of food in his lap.

"Thank you..."

"Sure."

"How're you feelin' today, Otis?" Baby questioned.

"I'm okay...Tired."

"I bet...It's gonna take you a while, huh?"

Otis shrugged. "Yeah..."

"You've gotta let me change your bandages again."

"Nn...They'll be fine another day. I'm too tired today."

"Didn't sleep well last night?"

Otis glanced at Cutter. "Er...no..."

"Neither of us slept well last night..." Cutter murmured. "Not after I got him to talk."

Otis glanced sharply at Baby, somewhat warningly.

"Don't worry. I didn't get details...Otis...Are you okay?"

"...No." He ran a hand through his hair. "But I will be. Had a lot worse." He shrugged.

"Can...Can we do anything?" Baby asked.

Otis shook his head.

"Otis...W...Where were you?"

"I don't know...All I could see was the room around me...It was always dark...I think it was like a basement, because I could see a little light coming through a window every once in a while...But...It was cold...So cold...And damp...But...But there were other people there, too...I...I could hear them screaming..."

"W...Why did they cut your hair little angel? And shave you...Just to humiliate you?"

Otis glanced at Cutter, silently begging him to stop. He didn't want to discuss the details of his torture in front of Baby.

"Come on...It's okay..."

He shook his head, burying his face in Cutter's neck.

"Shhhh...You can tell me."

Otis paused, drawing away for a moment to look Cutter in the eyes, then averted his gaze once more. "Th...The lice were so bad...That's why...Didn't want to have to deal with me...us...getting typhus..."

Baby stared, horrified. "Oh my god..."

"They didn't want to kill me...They...They just...wanted to make you pay..."

Cutter drew Otis closer, kissing his head. "I'm so sorry..."

Otis fell silent, and Baby simply sat with her mouth gaping open, unbelieving of the horror her brother had gone through.

Once Baby left, Cutter and Otis sat on the bed together.

"Come here, little angel..."

"Hn?"

Cutter gently placed his hand on the back of Otis's head, pulling him close and kissing him gently, then with more fervor as Otis returned the kiss. One large bear-paw hand caressed Otis's cheek.

He began to push Otis back into the bed, not breaking the kiss until Otis's head rested against the pillow.

"J...John..."

"Relax...I just want to make you feel good, okay?"

"Y...You'll get mad if I want you to stop again."

"No...Shhhh...Come on. Don't you trust me?"

Otis nodded.

"Okay. Then just relax." He began to kiss Otis's neck, hearing the younger man moan underneath him. Cutter worked Otis up to a fever pitch, kissing up and down his chest, leaving bruises on the other man's flesh from nibbling the tanned skin until Otis was whining underneath him, practically begging for more, bucking his hips up to meet Cutter's.

The older man pulled Otis's sweatpants and boxers down, exposing the bruises that littered Otis's hips. He ventured his eyes open, keenly monitoring Cutter's ever move. He gently placed a hand on the purple flesh, stroking circles lightly with his thumb. Otis flinched, gasping lightly.

"Shh...Does that hurt?"

Otis lightly shook his head.

Cutter claimed Otis's lips once more, snaking his hand behind Otis to grab his ass, squeezing just the way Otis liked, making him groan into Cutter's mouth.

"I love you..." Cutter murmured. "Think you're ready?"

Otis didn't have time to answer before Cutter had begun, but he wouldn't have denied him.

"J...John..." He moaned, digging his fingers into the flesh of his back.

Cutter began to kiss Otis's neck as he continued, other hand still on Otis's ass. He continued until Otis screamed, Cutter soon following.

Pulling away, Cutter rested his hands on Otis's hips. He again flinched away.

"Hey...Why do you do that? You are in pain, aren't you?"

"N...No..."

"I didn't know you didn't like that."

"You never did it..."

"W...Why don't you?"

Otis paused. "D...Daddy broke my hip a couple times...last was...When I was 12 or 13. Never really healed right. Just...sensitive, I guess...Been hurt there so many times I don't know how to act otherwise."

Leaning down and kissing his hips, Cutter smiled softly, paying special attention to areas that were particularly dark purple. Satisfied, he cleaned them both up and held Otis close, stroking his hair.

"Don't ever keep something like that from me again."

"Hope it never happens again..."

Cutter sighed. "Yeah...me too."


	7. Chapter 7

As Otis continued to heal, Cutter continued to try and expedite his emotional healing. Two weeks had passed since Otis had returned, and Cutter felt that not much progress had been made in that aspect of his recovery.

He gently kissed Otis, pushing him against the bed.

"Mmm..." Otis responded, wrapping his arms around Cutter's middle.

The clown moved down to Otis's neck, biting and suckling on the pale, sensitive flesh, making Otis squirm and writhe in pleasure.

"M...More...Oh, god...Don't stop...More..."

Cutter chuckled, snaking his hand behind Otis to stroke his back. "Mmm, are you begging?"

"N...No..." Otis's face reddened.

"Ohhh, don't get embarrassed with me." He kissed Otis softly, letting his hand ghost over Otis's hips. He still flinched, blue eyes staring in anticipation as he gasped softly. "Shhh. It's your teddy bear. Ain't gonna hurt you."

Otis was still tense, and Cutter began to kiss down his body, glancing up at his face every so often. As Cutter kissed his chest, Otis closed his eyes and tilted his head back, growling low in the back of his throat. Cutter knew that to Otis, yeah, the sex was good, but he could get that anywhere. It was the foreplay, the affection and love Cutter showed him that really got him. How Cutter cared for him, kissing every inch of his body if Otis wanted him to, if that's what he needed, and then fucking him slow and hard until he screamed, but it was the euphoria of being loved that really mattered.

Otis laughed easily as Cutter's beard tickled his ribcage when he kissed him, so Cutter lingered there a few minutes, just to hear that again.

"John!" Otis chuckled. "Stop!"

"Stop? You want me to stop?" He nibbled on Otis's flesh, making him moan slightly again.

"N...Nnn..." Again, Otis closed his eyes and relaxed as goosebumps rose on his skin.

As Cutter kissed down his abdomen, stopping at the waistband of his pants, Otis ventured to look at him again, blue eyes meeting those chocolate brown. "What do you want, little angel? What do you want me to do to you?"

Otis gulped. Something changed in his body language that Cutter detected, but mistook for anticipation.

"Do you want me to fuck you until it hurts? Low and slow until you fucking scream?" He growled.

Cutter stripped off his pants and Otis began to shake. Cutter rested one hand on his abdomen, staring down at him.

"F-Fuck...John, stop..."

"What?"

"Stop...D...Don't touch me...Please...Get off of me..."

"Daddy? Otis?" Baby called, slamming the door behind her.

Cutter grumbled, rising from the bed. Otis pulled his pants back up and skittered down the stairs.

"Hey! How're you feeling?" Baby wrapped her arms around Otis, pulling him into a warm embrace. Quickly pulling away, she scrutinized him. "You're shaking."

"I-I'm okay. Just...uh..."

"Okay. You don't have to tell me." She pushed the hair out of Otis's eyes, then rested her hand on his cheek. "Beard's growin' back, huh?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"You're all scratchy, though!" She wrinkled her nose and Otis's heart clenched. She was so adorable sometimes, it made him question his relationship with Cutter.

"It'll get softer..." He mumbled, absentmindedly smoothing the facial hair.

The three spent most of the day together, ordering takeout for dinner and enjoying the time they spent.

Cutter, however, started drinking. He was extremely frustrated with Otis's reactions. Why couldn't he just get over what had happened? Why wasn't he better yet?

He rested his hand on Otis's thigh, making him jump.

"What the fuck, Otis?"

Otis stared back at him, big blue eyes wide with fear.

"That was two fucking weeks ago or more. Get the fuck over it."

"Daddy!" Baby scolded.

"No! I'm fucking tired of it! It's always what YOU want in the bedroom! When do I get what I want? Huh? No, it's always me catering to what YOU want. Being all sweet and lovey-dovey because 'that's what you need'. BULLSHIT! You're fucking spoiled and you don't want to do anything you think is fucking below you. You're SPOILED! That's all it is!" He turned to Baby. "You know what this mother fucker said to me today? He told me to stop. Oh, he was all into it when I was loving on him, kissing all over him. But as soon as I wanted to get down to business, he wanted me to stop. Fucking spoiled brat."

Furious, Otis stood. "YOU mother FUCKER! I risked my fucking LIFE for you! I could have fucking died! Do you...Do you have ANY idea what they did to me?! No, because you didn't have to go through with it, so you don't fucking care! I paid your debts FOR you, you fucking asshole! You may have taken me in, but you didn't suffer like I fucking did for you. I was beaten for DAYS on end. With no food. They showered me with a fucking pressure washer. They r..." Otis paused, looking into Cutter's eyes, trying to find some inkling of a clue as to what he would do. "They fucking raped me over and over and over again. And I'm still fucking healing from that and you can't ACCEPT that?! Because I did it for you because I fucking love you! I suffered because you were a fucking idiot! I went through this because of you!"

Otis felt the blow to his cheek before he fully registered what had happened, tasted the blood pooling in his mouth.

"Think that's the last time you'll see the back of my hand, bitch?" Cutter took a step toward Otis, towering over him as he began to cower.

"Daddy, stop!" Baby stepped in between them, but Cutter moved around her and shoved Otis, toppling him over the coffee table and onto the floor.

"There, bitch. Broke my fuckin' table, didn't you? Bitch!" Cutter back-handed Otis once more. The smaller man then guarded his face, curling into a tight ball. Cutter managed one more blow before Baby finally wedged herself between them.

"Babygirl? What's wrong? Why're you cryin'?"

"Daddy...?"

Cutter took another shot of whiskey and immediately threw up.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed..."

"Yeah...I'm gonna go upstairs."

"Okay. Can you make it up?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

Baby knelt in front of Otis, who was still curled into a ball, shaking. "Hey...It's okay. It's okay...Let me see..." She tried to pry Otis's arms away from his face, to no avail. "H...Has he done that before?"

Otis shook his head. "N...N...Never h...hit me b...before..."

"Okay...I think you need to stay at my house tonight."

He shook his head again. "N...N..N...No...H...He...He'll get madder if I'm not here when he wakes up..."

Baby sighed. "Let me take care of you, then..."

"I'm f-fine..."

"Otis...Fine. Okay. But I'm staying over here, then. If he wakes up and comes down here-"

"N...No...I...I've gotta go up with him, he'll get pissed if-"

"I don't care. You're not going up there. I'll stay here and you wake me up if he comes down here, okay?"

Otis nodded, finally looking up at her. Her father had landed two really good blows on his face, but the third had fallen on his shoulders.

"Oh, Jesus...Did...Did you hear anything crack?"

"No. I said I'm fine."

"Okay. Okay. Are you in your sleep clothes? Do you need anything from upstairs?"

"No..."

Baby helped Otis to settle on the couch after she had gotten him calmed down. She fell asleep in the recliner, but he couldn't slumber peacefully. He would begin to doze, and then wake himself up. Until morning, when Baby began to stir, and he felt protected once again. She began to make breakfast, knowing her father would be hung over.

Cutter wandered down the stairs, moaning and rubbing his head. "Mm...Why's he sleepin' down here? He just pass out there last night?" He squinted. "What's that big bruise on his face?"

"Daddy...Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"You fucking HIT him last night."

"What?"

"You told him how sick of him being so scared you are. And...Dad, I get it, but you have to let him heal in his own time. Do you realize what he went through for you?That he did it out of love for you? I know it kind of sucks for you but it REALLY sucked for him when he was being fucking TORTURED for you. And you don't even have the fucking decency to let him work through it, to be there for him as he does. To support him because he supported you."

"B...Baby...I..."

"I'm so fucking mad at you, Daddy...Just..." She threw the pan of bacon onto a plate and shoved it into his hands. "Here."

She sat next to Otis on the couch, stroking his hair as he slept. He whimpered, stirring.

"It's just me. Just Baby."

He fell relaxed again, snoring softly.

"I'm...Sure he's scared of me now..."

"Probably." She glared.

"I...I'll let him rest." Cutter mumbled, sitting at the kitchen table and munching on the breakfast Baby had prepared.


	8. Chapter 8

Baby sat with Otis long into the afternoon, until he began to stir, sitting up and rubbing his face, flinching; he had forgotten the new bruises that had formed over night.

"Hey, Otis..." Baby murmured.

"Nn...Hey."

"Holy fuck...He really clipped you a good one..."

"Yeah...I know..."

"O...Otis?" Cutter approached slowly. Baby glared warningly. "Oh, god..."

Otis avoided eye contact, standing abruptly. "I'm gonna go get a shower..."

"Otis-"

"Daddy, leave him alone."

Otis skittered passed Cutter, up the stairs and into the bathroom.

No amount of hot water could ever wash away the shame and pain of what he had been through. Even under the steaming spray, he shuddered; he could still feel their hands on him, groping him, beating him. He just desperately wanted the crawling feeling of hands pulling on his flesh to be replaced with warm caresses and gentle touches. Touches like he was used to from Cutter- not the cruel, hard hands he had been met with the evening prior.

Slipping down the wall to sit on the shower floor, he began to sob, wringing at what was left of his hair, cursing himself. How the fuck had he gotten this low? How had his life ended up like this? The martyr in an abusive relationship, having rescued his lover from drug debts at the risk of his own dignity, and he was still cast aside. He always would be just that- someone to use and then cast aside.

He would never be clean. Never again. He had had too many hands laid on him. Too much of his dignity chipped away. He scrubbed his arms, torso and legs until the skin was fresh and pink from scouring. But it still wasn't enough. He would always feel the fingers pulling off his clothes, laying none too gentle hands on him.

Otis dressed himself and went back downstairs, sitting beside Baby on the couch again.

"You want me to take care of your eye?"

"Ain't nothin' I ain't used to. Swelling'll go down in a few hours or so."

"You want a warm wash cloth? Or an ice pack?"

"Nah. I'm alright." He waved dismissively at her.

"Otis..."

"I've been socked in the face before, alright? I'm fine."

"Okay..."

"Hey...I uh...Threw you pretty hard into that table...You...You bruised up?" Cutter asked, moving to stand in front of him.

"Don't know. Can't see my back." Otis again avoided eye contact, eyes fixated on his hands.

"You want me to have a look?"

Otis ventured a glance at Cutter's face, but it was fleeting. "No."

"Are you sore?"

The younger, battered man snorted. "Of course I am. You threw me into a coffee table and I broke it. Plus I was still recovering from getting the shit kicked out of me every second of my existence for 2 months."

"I...I'm so sorry..." He reached out to stroke Otis's hair, but he flinched back, gasping.

He tried to mask his fear with aggression. "Don't TOUCH me."

"Okay. Okay..."

Days passed, and Otis was still made an effort to appear indifferent or bitter toward Cutter, always masking his fear.

Finally, it was later in the evening, and Otis was slicing an apple at the kitchen counter.

"Hey...It's just me..." Cutter murmured, slowly wrapping his arms around Otis's waist, resting his head on his shoulder. "It's just me..."

He saw Otis's grip tighten on the knife and he sighed.

"Hey, let go of that, yeah?"

Otis obeyed, gripping the counter instead.

"Otis...I'm so, so sorry..."

He felt the smaller man begin to tremble.

"Shhhh...It's alright." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "I...I never should have said those things to you. I know you need to heal at your own pace. I know horrible things happened to you...I'm sorry I demeaned what happened to you and...I...Diminished your hell that you went through."

"I...gave my EVERYTHING...For you."

"I know..."

"I...Sacrificed my dignity...My worth...everything I had built from the ground up since I escaped my parents. My freedom and my...My CHOICE was the only thing I had to my name sometimes. And I put that on the fucking line for you. I had that taken AWAY from me for you. My...Fuck it. You don't care..." Otis's voice began to shake. "You don't fucking care. You...You just want me to get over it...Like it didn't happen..."

"Shhhh...I'm sorry. I...I've never had anything like that happen to me, so I...I don't know what that's like. I won't lie and say that I do. You're right. I did want you better for my own reasons, but I also want you better so you can feel better again."

Otis began to sob. "I gave EVERYTHING for you! They...They took EVERYTHING from me!"

"Shhhh...No they didn't. NO they didn't..."

"You BASTARD!" Otis spun and punched Cutter in the chest, blindly swinging through his tears. "I gave my whole WORLD for you and you fucking BEAT me for it!"

"I know...I know it was a shitty, horrible thing to do. I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry..."

Otis sobbed, collapsing into Cutter.

"Shhhh..."

"FUCK you!" Otis raged.

"I know how much you sacrificed for me. I know how much you let yourself be hurt for me. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I...I was drunk and I didn't mean it...I promise you...Please, forgive me...Please...I...I don't want you to leave..."

"Leave? LEAVE!? And fucking go WHERE, Cutter?!" He sobbed, shaking his head. "I could never leave. Even if I wanted to...Where the fuck would I go, huh!?"

"No...That's not what I meant...I meant please don't leave me."

"Again, where the fuck would I go, John? Huh!? I'm...I'm too addicted to the affection you give m. Even if it's after you've hit me, you fucking bastard. You know you fucking have me under your thumb and I hate it, because you don't FUCKING care about me and I know that now!"

"That's not true-"

"Then WHAT, John?! How can you stand there and say you fucking care about me after you fucking hit me and told me to just get over what happened? What the FUCK?!"

"Otis..."

"God, you...I fucking TOLD you I loved you! Do...Do you...Have any IDEA how hard that was for me?! And...And I find out...You don't fucking care about-"

Cutter grabbed him, fisting what was left of his silver locks and kissing him deeply. Otis initially resisted, struggling against him, but Cutter's grip was strong, and Otis's desire to be loved so desperately was even stronger, so he returned the kiss, curling his fingers in the fabric of Cutter's shirt.

He eventually broke away, pressing his forehead to Otis's. "I do care about you. Do you think I would have cared for you if I didn't? Do you think I would have nursed you back to health if I didn't?" He shook his head. "No. I wouldn't have. You know that. But I know...I know I'm not the best person I could be. But I am very, very sorry, that I hurt you."

"I want to believe you..." Blue eyes stared into hazlenut brown, pleading him to speak.

"I...I can show you."

"Why do you care? I fucking told you You have me under your thumb. What does it matter if you fucking try to keep me or not if I can't leave?"

"I love you. I want to show you that. I'm not keeping you like a caged animal there for just my pleasure. I love you. Okay?" Cutter wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulling him closely against his chest. Otis sobbed, soaking the fabric as Cutter cooed sweet nothings in his ear.


	9. Chapter 9

Cutter convinced Otis to sleep in the same bed as him once again, and held him close through the night.

"Hey, little angel." He greeted in the morning. Otis grunted in protest as Cutter kissed his forehead. "Aww, you wanna sleep a little more?" He asked. Otis nodded. "Alright. I can do that."

Cutter eventually pried Otis from the bed, making him go downstairs and eat. Baby had stayed the night again, and waited for them to descend the stairs.

"Hey. You two. Still getting along okay?"

"Far as I can tell." Cutter answered.

"Just woke up. Give him a minute." Otis muttered.

Cutter looked hurt, and Otis averted his gaze. He felt some remorse, but dammit, Cutter had pissed him off.

Otis sighed. "He did let me sleep in longer than he wanted to."

A small smile graced Cutter's features. "What do you want to eat, Otis?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you're havin', I guess."

"Don't you want anything special?"

Otis raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"I just meant-"

"What, you're going to go all sweet and goody with me until I get a fist to my fucking head again?"

"It's not going to be like that again...I promise..."

"Yeah, famous last fuckin' words..." Otis spat.

Cutter's face fell and he resumed rummaging through the cupboard.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Baby sensed it, expecting to find her father and Otis in a stare-down, Otis trying to cower away.

Instead, Otis was sitting on a stool at the kitchen divider, watching Cutter scrounge up some food.

"I love you, little angel..." Cutter called over his shoulder.

Neither of them sensed Baby in the room. Otis didn't reply, and Cutter spun around, gauging his reaction. Usually he smirked and shook his head, or had some smart ass reply. But he simply looked indifferent.

"I don't believe you anymore." He answered simply, blue eyes full of pain that Cutter could barely pick out behind the mask of apathy he wore.

Cutter opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it, and fell silent.

Baby stood, hidden barely from her father and with Otis's back to her, dumbfounded. A few moments passed in that awkward silence.

Cutter spun, approaching Otis a bit too quickly for his liking. His eyes widened and he toppled off of the stool.

"Otis!" Cutter rushed to his side, making him scurry away until his back hit the wall.

"AH! FUCK! DON'T HIT ME!" Otis begged, arms guarding his head.

"Shhhhh...I'm not. I'm not. I was coming to give you a kiss."

"Like fuck you were! You're pissed at me because of what I said!"

"No, I'm not. Shhh..." He cupped Otis's cheek and kissed him softly. "See? You're alright."

As the day went on, the three of them ended up in the living room, watching the Munsters. Otis sat next to Cutter, but wasn't affectionate with him. Cutter missed the warm, lanky body pressed against his, begging for attention. He realized, then, just how much he had neglected Otis.

"Hey, little angel...Come here..."

"Why." He asked, deadpan. Baby jerked back- she had never seen her brother turn down affection, or question it.

"I wanna hold you...Don't you want to cuddle?"

"You don't like to."

"Where'd you get that idea?"

Otis glared.

"I know...I know...But I miss you...I didn't realize what I had until now...Come on."

Hesitantly, Otis moved over to Cutter, letting him wrap his wide, muscular arms around his thin frame.

"Come on. You know that's not how you sit with me."

"Mm..." Otis fidgeted a while, then finally adjusted to his position: knees brought closely to his chest, curled into Cutter's sturdy mass and his head on the older man's shoulder.

"There we go." He gave Otis a little squeeze. Despite himself, Otis sighed contentedly, though he tried to stop himself halfway through. Cutter placed a warm kiss on his head, catching Baby smile at them.

Some time passed before either of them moved again. Cutter felt Otis's hand stroke his arm lightly, almost lovingly. He turned to see Otis's blue eyes peering back at him, hesitation evident, but also begging for attention, like he always did.

The clown turned slowly, wrapping his arms around Otis's slender frame and kissing him. The kiss lasted longer than either expected, and Otis pulled away, hesitantly glancing at Baby.

"You ain't botherin' me none." She answered simply.

"Why're you so jumpy, huh? It's just Baby. She ain't gonna do nothin'." He pressed his forehead to Otis's, letting their noses touch. He kissed Otis again, more deeply this time, letting his hands roam the other man's body.

Otis felt his pants begin to stiffen and jerked away from Cutter, who only pulled him closer.

"What's the matter?" He murmured.

From Otis's fidgeting, he figured out the answer pretty quickly. Scooping the smaller man up onto his shoulder, he traveled the stairs, leaving Baby cackling in a fit of laughter.

Cutter gently lay Otis down in the bed. He was trembling with anticipation, a sight Cutter was glad to see rather than the alternative.

He slowly straddled Otis, hearing the intake of breath from the younger man. He raked his fingers through his hair, pulling his head to the side to get better access to his neck, which he began to litter with kisses.

"F...Fuck..." Otis muttered.

Cutter chuckled against Otis's skin, making goosebumps rise on his flesh.

"I'm s...still..." Otis's mind fogged. He wasn't one usually to fumble over his words, but Cutter kissing his neck? That could scramble his brain. "I...nnnn..." He dug his nails into Cutter's back, groaning. "J...John..."

"Spit it out little angel. What've you got to say?"

"I'm still...pissed at you..." He finally managed through breathy sighs and moans.

Otis expected a hurt look, maybe even a grunt of displeasure and Cutter pulling away. Instead, the clown slipped his fingers past Otis's waistband, hand traveling sinfully lower into his pants, gentle warm hands moving with expertise. "How about now?"

"Nnnn!" Otis squirmed, pressing his head back into the pillow.

"Oh, little angel, I haven't even started with you yet." He whispered.

Otis panted, looking at Cutter hesitantly as he peeled his shirt over his head, then shoving his hands under Otis's shirt.

"You gonna take it off for me?"

Otis quickly struggled out of his shirt, relishing in the feeling of Cutter's calloused hands caressing his skin. Cutter kissed him deeply, fondling Otis with one hand and supporting his head with the other.

"Your pants are getting awfully tight there, little angel." He slowly slid down the trousers, then the boxers. Cutter undressed, as well, Otis watching carefully. "How do you want it?"

"W...What?"

"Low and slow or do you want me to fuck your brains out?

Otis swallowed heavily. "S...Slow..."

"Just relax. It's just me..." He began, and his thrusts were slow and steady, just as Otis asked for. Otis threw his head back and moaned loudly in pleasure, arms sprawled beside his head.

As he continued, Cutter felt one hand wrap around the base of his skull and squeeze. He craned his neck, kissing Otis's neck, which elicited a surprised, but extremely pleasured gasp and moan.

When he knew Otis was on the edge, he began to kiss him, knowing he was much better at doing so then.

Cutter held Otis closely, both panting and slick with sweat.

"Let me up..." Otis murmured.

"Where you goin'?"

"Shower."

"Why...Just lay with me a while..."

"I...I'll be right back..."

"Alright..."

Otis shrugged Cutter off and trudged to the bathroom.

As he cleaned himself, he was consumed by his own thoughts. Would he ever feel Cutter's hands again instead of his captors? Or was he damned to a life of painful memories that he couldn't shake?

He felt Cutter's hand on his back and shuddered, startling slightly.

"Shhhh..." He soothed. "Your back is healing up..."

"Mm-hm.."

"Be able to rub you down soon like I promised I would."

Otis glanced at him hesitantly, trying to disguise an eyeroll.

"I do love you, Otis..."

Otis simply nodded.


	10. Chapter 10

Cutter held Otis closely in his arms again that night. The younger man seemed restless, though he slept through the night.

That morning, Cutter held Otis as he still slumbered. There was still even some defiance in the way he slept- Otis used to sleep all curled up to Cutter, facing him, entangled in him like vines up a terrace. But now he slept with his back to the older clown, leaving Cutter to pull him close and snuggle into him.

"Little angel...It's time to get up..."

"No..." he whined.

"Ohh, come on. Aren't you hungry?"

"No..."

"What's wrong...?"

Otis rolled over to look at Cutter, curling up into his chest. "Nothing..."

"Well, come on then. Let's get up."

"No..."

"Come on. What's wrong?"

"Don't feel like gettin' out of bed today..."

Cutter sighed. Every once in a while, Otis would draw in on himself, becoming disinterested in the things he usually enjoyed. He understood that with all Otis had been through, there would be times when he would succumb to the memories and become depressed. He fought so hard for so long- he had to be weak sometimes, had to let himself be a human.

"Well...Do you mind if I stay with you?" He asked, kissing Otis's head.

"Hnn?" Otis murmured, tilting his head back to look Cutter in the eye.

"Would that make you feel better? If I stayed with you?"

"I-I..."

"I know you're havin' one of those days. Can't hide it from me, Otis." He stroked Otis's back, making him shudder lightly. "What d'ya say? Would me sticking around help?"

"M...Maybe..." He admitted.

"Okay. Then I'll stay." He said, nuzzling into Otis's hair.

Otis settled, dozing for a bit until he dreamed of his captors, their filthy hands caressing him and holding him down, making him perform lurid acts as he screamed and begged them not to.

He startled awake, struggling against Cutter as he held him closely. "Shhhh. You're alright. You're alright."

"I-I...Let me up...I...I need to take a shower..."

"What? You just took one last night-" He protested as Otis all but ran into the bathroom.

Cutter waited a few moments and then followed him, pulling back the shower curtain and gently resting his hand on Otis's shoulder. He immediately flinched back as the water burned his skin

"Holy shit! Why's the water so fuckin' hot?"

Otis stared back at him, blue eyes wide with fear as he swallowed heavily.

"How can you stand that?"

Otis didn't answer, just stared fearfully.

"Hey...What's goin' on with you? I mean...Yeah, you shower regularly but not...And this is BOILING Otis Jesus CHRIST! You'll burn your skin off!" Cutter reached in and shut the water off.

"I-I..." He shuddered as the cooler air hit his wet skin. "I can't...I can't get their hands off of me..."

"What?"

"I always feel like they're still touching me...I..." He ran a hand through his soaked hair. "I can't...Get the feeling of their hands off of me..."

"Mm..." Cutter leaned against the shower, contemplating. He didn't know what he could do to help Otis, aside from giving him time. "I don't think burning yourself like that is gonna help..."

"Was worth a shot..." He retorted.

Cutter wordlessly left the bathroom and Otis dried off, following him after a few moments. The pajama pants he had been wearing hung low on his hips, tempting Cutter, who rose from the bed once again and wrapped his arms around Otis, kissing him deeply and letting his hands wander the still-warm flesh. Otis shuddered in pleasure.

He led Otis to the bed, making him lie down on his stomach. Otis looked nervously over his shoulder at him.

"Relax. Your back is healed up enough, I think. Just relax."

Strong, calloused hands began to knead Otis's still worn-out muscles.

"Feel good?" He asked.

"Hnnn..." Otis mumbled in response.

"I know it does. Just tell me if I hurt you, okay?"

"Hnn-hnnn..." Otis grumbled in agreement.

Cutter chuckled. As he approached his lower back, Otis stiffened. "Shhh. I know you have problems here. Just relax." He continued to work out the stiffness in Otis, listening to the groans of appreciation he received as payment. "You know I love lovin' on you, right?"

"Hn?" Otis looked at him over his shoulder. "No you don't. It's a pain in your ass."

"Not true. I love just makin' you feel good. I...I love just touchin' you and holdin' you..."

"Then why're you such an ass about it sometimes." Otis demanded.

"I don't know. I feel like I have to maintain this tough-ass thing and I just..." He sighed. "I'm sorry." Cutter rolled beside Otis, who cuddled up to him immediately.

They lay entwined for a while until they heard their door fly open. Rufus stood in the doorway, a sight that made both of them scramble.

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?!" He thundered. Otis froze while Cutter approached him slowly.

"R...Rufus, I can explain-" He began. Otis saw beads of sweat form on his head as he approached the behemoth.

"I don't fucking give a shit that you are together. But that makes all the rest of what Baby told me true, too. And THAT I do have a problem with."

"And what's that, kid?" Cutter challenged.

"He sacrificed himself for you. Because you couldn't pay your FUCKING drug debts?! How irresponsible are you!? You know if you get caught up in anything it could be the end for ALL of us?!"

Cutter sighed. "I-"

"I'm not fucking done." He took a dangerous step toward the older man. "You let him do that. You LET him take your place after being beaten to hell all of his childhood and..." Rufus shook his head, fighting the disgust that rose. "And he gives EVERYTHING for you. EVERYTHING that means something to him. That he worked SO hard for his entire life once he escaped that hell hole...And you are fucking ungrateful?"

"I was never ungrateful. I had a hard time dealing with my guilt at first, yes..."

"YOU HAD A HARD TIME DEALING WITH YOUR GUILT?!"

"I didn't mean to hit him-"

"YOU _HIT_ HIM?! YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Rufus drew back a fist and clocked Cutter, knocking him to the ground. Otis bolted in between them, standing protectively over Cutter.

"Rufus NO!" He begged. "Don't...Don't do this."

"You don't fucking see what he's done to you?!" Rufus scoffed. "Jesus christ, Otis. I thought you were smart."

Otis cocked his head.

"You...He hits you and lets you take the brunt of his crimes, and you still stand and defend him? Look at you. Look at what's happened to you because of him. He's _manipulated_ you, man. He can get anything he wants out of you as long as he touches you the right way and whispers sweet nothings in your ear that you've wanted to hear your whole life. You're not even GAY, Otis. What are you doing?"

"I-I...I..."

"See? It's gotten so bad YOU don't even know what the hell's going on anymore."

Stunned, Otis simply sat on the floor between Rufus and Cutter, staring at Rufus.

"I-I...I don't know..."

"I know you don't." Ran a hand through his hair. "God, he's gotten you in a fucking mess, man."

"Rufus. We're working it out. It's...It's a mess, yeah, but I do love him. And I'm trying. I'm trying to be better for him. You've...You've got to let us figure it out."

"Don't you fucking hurt him anymore. He's been through enough in his fuckin' life." Rufus snarled. "And god knows, you've PUT him through enough."

"I know. Believe me, I know. We've been through a lot..."

Rufus growled. "Whatever. Just don't you fuckin' hurt him again. And if I find out about it, YOU'LL be the one who's hurt."

"Sure thing." Cutter nodded.

"I'm goin' down stairs. Baby and I's goin' in town. You wanna come, Otis?"

He shook his head. "No..."

"You look like hell, Otis." Rufus sighed. "But I'm sure you went through it, too." He gently pat Otis on the shoulder as he exited.

"J...John...?" Otis murmured.

"Hm?"

"I'm gonna stay back...back at the house for a few days..."

"No! Don't go, I'm sorry! I...We can work this out-"

"I-I...I just...Need some time."

Cutter sighed. "Okay...Okay...Are...Are you...Leaving me?"

Otis stood slowly, shaking his head. "N...No...I just...Need...Some space..."

"Alright." Cutter wrapped his arms around him. "Just come back when you're ready...Please?" He kissed his nose.

Otis nodded, turning and leaving.


End file.
